


Splinter

by fables



Category: X -エックス- | X/1999
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-12-22
Updated: 2003-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-25 02:50:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1627643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fables/pseuds/fables
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The memories that matter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Splinter

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Syncopation

And this is what happens - Seishirou steps in front of Subaru and takes the blow. When Subaru visits the hospital, Seishirou smiles, a bandage over half his face, and tells him it's alright, Subaru has nothing to apologize for. That he's hungry and won't Subaru go and get some doughnuts?

"No," Subaru says, his cheeks burning. He's never been so forward before, but he needs Seishirou to know. So he takes off his glove and places his hand on Seishirou's cheek. "Seishirou-san, I don't want to leave you," he says.

Something dark passes through Seishirou's eye, like a shadow passing over the moon, and he smiles again, as beautiful as a winter night. "Are you telling me you return the pure and true love I have for you, Subaru-kun?" he asks, his voice sounding amused.

Subaru doesn't take his hand away, doesn't look away. "Yes," he says. And when Seishirou doesn't say anything, "Seishirou-san - anything you want, I will..."

"But you have already refused me," Seishirou murmurs.

"I can have someone else bring them - any kind you like - "

Seishirou catches Subaru's hands with his, stilling him, and Subaru takes in a sudden breath. Seishirou traces a pattern on the skin of one hand, the glove of another. Subaru shivers under his touch, but he does not pull away, pinned by a hold that is, for the moment, as gentle as snow.

"You took off your glove, Subaru. Your grandmother will not be happy," Seishirou says, and lets Subaru's hands go.

 

One day Hokuto comes home with two birds. "They are so beautiful," she says, "as bright and yellow as the sun."

One bird dies a month later, and even Seishirou can't say why. Subaru wonders if the other bird isn't lonely now, all alone in its cage; he wonders if birds can die of loneliness. But Hokuto is still there to take care of it, to bring it food every morning and let it out every evening to fly around the room. Sometimes when Hokuto hums, the bird trills along with her. The bird is small and beautiful and Subaru wants it to live forever.  
 

 

When Seishirou is released from the hospital they all go out for ice cream. Seishirou pays, and when Subaru protests, saying that it's their turn to take care of him, he wipes a hand across Subaru's cheek and lips. Subaru stops, stammers.

"You had ice cream on your face, Subaru-kun," Seishirou says, and Hokuto laughs.

"Should I leave the two lovebirds alone, I wonder?" she asks.

Seishirou says, "I don't think you would ever leave your brother alone." And then, smiling, "As close as you two are - you really shouldn't."  
 

 

Subaru's grandmother calls to tell him of a job. A high-ranking government official is found dead in his bedroom, which is still locked from the inside. There are traces of a star on the floor, half-folded bits of paper. There are remnants of onmyoujitsu, so strong as to be almost stifling.

"He was trying to invoke a spell when he was killed," Subaru says. It's later in the day, and he's back in his apartment, sitting at the table and staring at his food instead of eating it. "A simple spell, with some defenses set up. But whoever killed him - that person tore through those defenses as if they were paper screens."

"It sounds like the victim got in over his head," Seishirou says. "People shouldn't play with things they don't understand."

Hokuto looks at Seishirou sharply. "Did you find out who it was?" she asks Subaru.

Subaru shakes his head. Whoever did it was very powerful, and very careful. Subaru hadn't been able to sense much. Only the feeling of being watched, and when he'd tried to trace the magic, it had dispersed into the air, into the trees and the grass and the wind.

 

Subaru's parents died when he was very young, and he never had a chance to know them. Now there are only a few pictures left, only his grandmother and Hokuto and himself. Sometimes Subaru dreams of his parents, but the dreams don't last, he wakes up and they've faded into the sun. He thinks, this is what happens when people die. Only a few memories and dreams, after, and leaves still falling every autumn and the sakura still blooming in the spring.

 

"Subaru?" Seishirou murmurs. He steps closer, and Subaru can no longer see the falling leaves. Just Seishirou, the cut of his jacket, the white shirt collar and the pale skin above. "Are you alright, Subaru-kun?" Seishirou asks, sounding concerned, and Subaru is happy happy _happy_ , and he doesn't know what to do.

"Seishirou-san," Subaru says, and Seishirou steps closer, so that there's only a breath of air between them. Seishirou puts his hand on Subaru's face, slides it down his neck, tilting Subaru's head up. Seishirou's smiling, smiles that never reach his eyes.

A shiver runs through Subaru, but he doesn't look away. They are standing in the middle of the park and anyone can see them, but Subaru doesn't have any shame anymore, not with Seishirou. He will do anything that Seishirou asks.

"Another promise?" Seishirou asks.

"Yes," Subaru says.  

 

Like two screens sliding past each other, day becomes night, the sun sets and the light splinters into colors. A photograph of his parents sits in Subaru's room, his mother tall and elegant and smiling, his father standing beside her with one arm around her shoulders. It is one of the last things Subaru sees before sleeping, and he thinks, that night, that they look happy. At that moment of time they are happy.

And maybe, it doesn't matter what happens after.

 

And this is what happens - when Subaru is still a child, the Sakurazukamori makes a promise to him and seals it with stars. Years later, he keeps the promise. Subaru, the Sakurazukamori says, has lost the bet. He is a doll; his bones are like glass; it does not matter. He leaves without killing Subaru but not without killing his sister.

 

Hokuto's room is just as she left it - her bed made, her slippers next to the chair, books on the floor, a hairbrush on the dresser and the smell of her favorite perfume in the air. Subaru can close his eyes and imagine she is still there. He sees their face in the mirror, but now it is only his own.

"Good morning, neesan," Subaru says, and breaks the mirror with his fist. Glass in his skin, blood dripping down his wrist; it does not matter. 

 

Subaru packs his sister's things away. Her hairbrush and books, school uniforms, cassettes and videos, an unfinished shirt stuck full of pins. He opens the door of the birdcage, pulls up the blinds halfway and opens the window. The bird hops out of the cage and tilts its head, chirping. Subaru turns away and lies on the bed. He falls asleep without even realizing it.

When Subaru wakes, the shadows of the blinds have lengthened, and the light is weaker than before, pink orange instead of yellow. He wonders vaguely what he is doing in his sister's room; it takes him a moment to remember.

He turns his head and sees that the bird has found its way back into the cage. It's now perched on the swing, eyes closed. The cage door is open, and the window, but it does not want to leave.  

 

And this is what happens - the Sakurazukamori leaves after killing Subaru's sister, but without killing Subaru. The stars on the back of Subaru's hands are still there, and the Sakurazukamori can find Subaru any time he wants. But Subaru is still alive and he does not understand. He grows older and harder and stronger but his heart is still weak. He smokes cigarettes and imagines Hokuto telling him how bad they are for his health, but it does not bring him any closer.  

Subaru's grandmother calls and tells him that the time has come. He is a dragon of heaven and must fight with the other seals. The Sakurazukamori is a dragon of earth, and he hasn't changed, not at all. Subaru makes a wish, and it ends like this, he is facing the only man in the world who can grant it.

The Sakurazukamori's gaze travels to Subaru's face and stays there; on his mismatched eyes, a mirror of his own. He takes out a cigarette and asks for a light. He grabs Subaru's wrist in passing, almost as an afterthought. His fingers tighten around Subaru's skin until Subaru can't separate the pain of the grip from the feel of the stars on his hand, from the pounding behind his sightless eye, from the ache in his ribs and his heart, his heart.

"You should take better care of yourself, Subaru. You're so thin. If she could see you, Hokuto-chan would be so worried."

"Let me go," Subaru says, and Seishirou smiles, and his grip on Subaru's wrist tightens.

"If you wish," he murmurs, words whispered into Subaru's ears, lips brushing against his skin. And Subaru does, but it does not change anything.

It does not matter.

 

There aren't many things in Subaru's room. There's a bed, a lamp, a phone with the answering machine turned on, a small cabinet with an unframed photograph sitting on its shelf. The photograph is of himself and Hokuto and Seishirou.

Hokuto is leaning into Subaru and Seishirou is behind them, his hands on both their shoulders. Their smiles are so wide it seems impossible that one picture can hold them.


End file.
